sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
