Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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