My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
