the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
