We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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