you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
