I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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