your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
