you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
