Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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