I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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