Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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