Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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