I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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