I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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