my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
