i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
