im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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