Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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