community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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