dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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