we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
