wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
