did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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