after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
