there's paper in my vomit.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
