So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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