is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we made out on top of his cat.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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