dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
