Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
