Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
