Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
