Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
