Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
