I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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