You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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