in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
