Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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