seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We don't watch enough power rangers
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ladies don't puke and tell
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
