No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
