The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
