this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
