Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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