Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
