She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
