I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
