How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
