My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
