Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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