I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
