Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
