There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
