I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All the doctor said was why
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
