woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
