I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
