You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize