haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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