Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
