Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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