How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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