I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
