is your mom at the bar?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
