I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
