i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
