so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
