Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
