you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
