my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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