I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
