her vagine was all disorganized.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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