Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
