either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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